careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
