yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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