Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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