wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
