I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
