Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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