Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
