Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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