Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
