I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
