I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wanna passion pit in your ass
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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