if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
