i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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