Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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