I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
