I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
