The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize