good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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