I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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