Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
