thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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