we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
