Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it because I queefed?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
