I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize