after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
