i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
