so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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