Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
