onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize