i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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