He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
