Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
