Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
