white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
