It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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