Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
