I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
