I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
