I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
