Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
