Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
