Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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