just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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