Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
