I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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