my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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