i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
