Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
