I just made out with a guy for $7.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
