tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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