Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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