The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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