I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
