I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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