I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize