i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
