if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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