drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
