I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
