I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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