I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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