Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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