Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
