arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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